Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Mahalia - WI - To make the reader feel calm

All I can remember waking up wanting a refreshing glass of water and then I thought I saw a giant gaping hole in the ground. It was the middle of the night so I thought that it was just my imagination because I was extremely tired so I continued to walk forward. I remember screaming and thinking that this must be the a lot like Alice in Wonderland. Then my memory goes blank...

Waking up to nothing but things that I have only seen in my dreams makes me extremely scared, I don’t know what to say, or what to think but one things for sure... it’s a dream come true. Trying not to scream I think of all the creepy nightmares that I have ever had, as if on cue they all show up chainsaws, and comforting yet scary voices ringing in my ears I run as fast as I can, two times faster than The Flash but without the lighting themed costume. Then I decide that I want to wake up from my dream I pinch myself... Nothing.  I try again, again it results in nothing. I want my parents, I want them so badly I think that I will do anything give anything to wake up from this crazy, messed up, whatever this is.

Suddenly the scene of a court appears in front of me judge, witnesses and everything.  I just don’t know what to say, I mean what if these guys can read these words that are appearing above my head. It’s been going on for way too long, so finally I ask “How did I get here?” even though I said it to no one in particular the Judge said “Now we must see what we must do, who are the witnesses?”. My eyes were suddenly feeling really dry so I blinked and when I had opened my eyes I noticed that the witnesses had arrived, my best friend and the creepiest person I have ever laid my eyes on. It turns out that the nightmare guy was the witness saying I deserve to go home. I never felt so grateful in my life, I wish that my friend would back me up too but then I think that that’s a bad idea so I think no.

All I can remember from after that moment was waking up in my warm, soft bed, in my bedroom.


Willy I said...


My name is Willy, a student from Tamaki Primary. I was looking through this creative and collaborative blog, which is amazing, if I can point out. Then I saw this relaxing, yet also gripping story.

Great use of similes, the descriptive language used in this seriously engages me as a reader, and believe me, part of one of the experiences of the dream, I have had. Chainsaws, nightmares...aww......

But continuing on in this truly touching post, it was amazingly relaxing. The title lives up to its name! And the way how it gets twisted at some point, ending up in court with a best friend and a creepy person. The best friend, I am seriously hooked, even if I was hooked by the beginning.

In summary, this is a powerful piece of writing, and I hope the author who wrote this, continues on with this kind of work. It's eye-catching, am I right?

By Willy, Student of Tamaki Primary

P.S - And that ending, though. Brilliant.

lara holmes said...

Nice Writing Anthia I like all of you facts and information

lara holmes said...

Nice Writing Anthia I like all of you facts and information

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