Intension: Get people to feel scared or excited or any emotions towards my writing by adding twists and unexpected problems Writing focus: Save the drama and sustain the quality of the whole writing till the end

Ugh, 2 more weeks till summer break is over. I gaze at a sea blue dress through a glass window as I begin sipping my smoothie through my straw. I wish I would never have to go to school again....”TORI, TORI! EARTH TO TORI!!!!” I quickly turn to face Stacy with a confused look. Oh yeah. Totally forgot I was at the mall. “Dude, come on have some fun, you’ve been daydreaming all day!” I apologize quickly with a tense face as I turn away again. Seems like going out with my friends just isn’t my thing.

Oh great. Now I can’t daydream anymore. I begin to become aware of my surroundings....for some reason....”look Tori, if today’s not your day then you should’ve said so. You seem pretty depressed today. Go ahead and tell me what’s on your mind!” Insists Stacy

I want to tell Stacy what’s on my mind badly but she would surely think of me as crazy. She wouldn’t understand....Nobody would. I’ve been really intense lately thinking about that hallucination....”Oh umm....Nothing I just feel tired from all the homework that’s all” I lied. Haha, she didn’t reply. She was busy texting her friend. “Umm....Stacy, I don’t feel so good can you please take me back home?” I asked. “AHA I KNEW YOU DIDN’T FEEL SO GOOD” Yelled Stacy. Suddenly, everybody turned to face us.

Now I’m back home...Lying in my bed relieved. Few, finally I’m out of the mall. I was feeling so nervous and pressured since it was my first time out with a friend....

It’s been hours since I was out with Stacy. Now I’m trapped in a tiny room with all the windows closed and curtains shut. Ugh, I can’t breathe. And it’s so hot in here. I get up, open the door and walk outside. With bare feet I step onto the concrete. Really warm and heated. Gosh, I feel like I’m getting sunburnt already! Better go inside again....I turn to face door to go back inside when suddenly I heard a big thump behind me. I quickly turn to face the sun again. Huh? No nobody there. I looked down and see a young girl about my age with her body flat on the hot, boiling concrete. Oh my, did she pass out from the heat?, I quickly ran up to her and put my hand on her back. Then I slowly, flipped her over to face her.

Wow so unexpected.....Her cheeks are so thin that you can see her cheekbones, Her lips were so dry and cracked that you can see little drops of blood bleed out, her black hair was all knotted and long....The most disturbing part was her face...So....Pale?, But that can’t be. It’s summer! Nevermind that....”H-hello???, are you ok???” I mutter. I took my hands of her back and hit my head lightly. I felt stupid asking that question since obviously she wouldn’t be.

I lower my head onto her chest. Good she’s still breathing. I’ve got to call the hospital....I get up from my knees and turn to face the door again when suddenly...Something cold and hard grabs my hand. I look down to see the girl clinging onto my hand, still on the floor.....”I.....found you...”, She whispers with a weak voice.

I could feel my face turn blue as I feel her cold sneering eyes....Is it just me, or is she smirking?....

~Sarah P