Thursday, 25 June 2015

WF: Use short and long line tension to make my writing flow and add supporting detail. WI: Make the reader feel worried and scared.


I dragged my feet against the ground. A muddy area in front of me. Everything was destroyed by the ashes from the volcano. The unexpected eruption caused a massive amount of chaos and panic around my hometown.  I didn't have time to take any food. All I had with me was my mattress. It was weighing me down, making it harder to walk, but it was worth it.  I wanted to have something warm to sleep on. I carefully paced through the wreckage avoiding the stones in my way. Smoke slowly drifted in the wind, blowing towards me. My nose kept sniffing in the fumes from the burning wood in the forest of trees behind me. I had no idea where to go next. I lived there for all my life, I couldn’t bear to leave. I could see people in a distance trying to escape for their lives. They didn’t have anything with them. Not even a bed to sleep on. Suddenly, I had a special warm feeling inside me, like the hope I had to survive.

4 comments:

MehIa said...

Well first of all, Hello my name is Mehi and I am a Year 8 student from Tamaki Primary School. I LOVE the way you used the five senses to describe what you could smell, feel, see and etc. This piece of writing got me hooked in straight away and got me kinda feeling worried. I felt like I was in the story, I could visualise it all. But overall this was AMAZING and KEEP IT UP!!!

-Mehi ;)

timeus said...

Hi my name is Timeus and I am a year 5 student from Tamaki Primary school, I like how you use good description in your writing and explaining how you survived in the land, Next time try and write adjective's in your story.

Kush said...

Hi hub 3 student , I liked how you used good sentences and described what heppened also I liked the juicy words that you wrote.

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